Best of Intentions

Mom continues to improve with each day. We're now almost three weeks out from when she would have had another cycle of chemotherapy, so her body is clearly using this time to rebuild and replenish. Although we're not closely on top of what her cancer is doing, the plan of action continues to be day by day, capitalizing on what energy she has and allowing for rest when she wants.

Finding balance seems to be something I discuss a lot with regards to my mother, and even myself at times, but there is new meaning behind the concept today and I'm asking for you all to help.

When someone we love is sick, we march in to action, with food, cards, prayer, love, advice, answers, music, research, theories, etc. Each of us react in different ways. Mom has been benefiting from all the kindness and generosity of her friends and family for so long now, I fully believe it is why she is flourishing now.

Going forward, I'd like to make a suggestion that we all seriously consider, myself included! My mother is feeling well, she is conducting business, managing her schedule, taking charge of her life. She does not need anyone else telling her what to do! Because she is in a long-term care facility instead of her own home, she is realizing how easily and frequently people "pop in," but end up staying for 20 minutes! Might not seem like a huge deal to you or I, because we can retreat to our own home, close the door, and not let anyone in. But at McLean, she often feels that people don't respect her space as much because they're accustomed to dealing with a less energetic/aware/productive clientele. Mom has had to really say to the staff, "if I need you, I will call you, otherwise, please respect my quiet time." And I think the rest of us need to do the same.

What she's expressed is that she really enjoys scheduled visits, one a day. And if when you visit, you'd like to bring something, how about lunch? She is so enjoying nutritious, enriching, delicious meals. These days she is less inclined towards sweet treats, and is looking to fill her body with all the wholesome nourishment she can get. It doesn't even need to be a lot! She shares a communal refrigerator with other residents and when huge Tupperware dishes roll in, Gwennie and I are full throttle-fridge managers. Her room is small and cozy, so I hope everyone will understand that right now, all we need you to bring is yourselves, a smile, maybe a nutritious treat, and a listening ear.

This is a hard post to write, because I too am guilty of calling my mother and talking her ear off for a half hour, saying "you should be taking it easier, spend less time doing things, relax more, tell people to stop coming by, blah blah blah blah blah." What have I just done? Taken up a half hour of her energy to satisfy my inner-control freak daughter because I love her and just want to help.

Moral of the story? Respect her space and time just like you would anyone else's. Unless you're absolutely sure it will cure cancer, please try to keep elixirs, healers, meditations, teas, for your own enjoyment. Food is always good. Small portions, delicious, and nutritious. Above and beyond all, thank you for the outpouring of love, and know that this is purely my attempt to rein in the incredible gestures of one outstanding community.